How Can My Soul Be Well...When Everything Else is in the Crapper?

There was once a man name Po Wen Ching. He worked for a worldwide missions organization called Child Evangelism Fellowship. I met him once. He spoke with a missionary training candidacy program I was interning with at the mission's international headquarters. 

He died of a heart attack on his 30th birthday a few days later. 

Weeks prior to his death, the interns were scheduled to oversee a chapel session as part of their training. The chapel session we were scheduled happened to be the week just after Po's death. My friend Audrey and I had been working on a duet. While our chapel session was themed around evangelical missions around the world, we kept coming back to "It is Well With My Soul." It didn't fit the theme but for some reason, we just went with it. We did not know the Divine Providence behind this chapel session and its timing and the song choice. 

The week following Po's passing, she and I stood up and sang "It is Well With My Soul" to a group of about 200 grieving people. Some had worked with Po for years. His best friend was in the audience. I almost couldn't make it through the song. 

God brought this song back to me tonight. I think He brought it back because I had a shitty day. 

Really it started last night when I locked my son in our minivan with my keys. (The car was running and it was all over 20 minutes and $45 later.)

Today, doctor's appointment that I thought would take an hour at most and would center around my ADHD went a totally different direction. I was shifted between two doctors, a nurse practitioner, a lab tech, two receptionists and three nurses. I talked some about my ADHD meds I was in need of. What I mostly talked with the doctor about was my weight gain, high blood pressure and other issues. Did I mention this took three hours? Oh and then I got four follow up phone calls about lab results and such. Ugh. 

I came home to a toddler on the cusp of ANOTHER cold and cutting ANOTHER tooth. This means much whining and frustration and tears and boogers from him. I felt raw and exposed after being poked with needles, asked many personal questions and my brithdate 50 freaking times. The Tiny Human wanted to lay on me, throw things around, chew on everything and for me to understand what every grunt and groan means. He was in gorilla mode minus the poo throwing. Ugh. 

I forgot my glasses at a friend's house last night. Which meant much squinting for me today. Between that and a distinct lack of coffee, my headache is just starting to dissipate. Ugh. 

A good friend of mine is seeing the end of her marriage come about. It is a story of a lot of heartache and mental illness and children and love-loss and just brokenness. While I'm not directly affected by it, it is so painful to watch. Ugh. 

I just started college course to complete my bachelors. I'm less than enthused to start the classes and I mostly want it all over with. Ugh. 

You know those delightful Jesus Lovers who quote Paul's words to you in "Ugh Situations?" They say, "I have learned that in whatever situation I find myself to therewith be content." But how do you interpret and apply those words in the midst of all the UGH in your life? Really? My mind is in turmoil. My body mostly wants to sit on its ass and do nothing. My heart just wants to crawl under the covers. But I'm supposed to smile and just assume this is all God's wonderful plan for my life?

At the end of this stressful day, I'm studying and Pandora turns out an instrumental version of It is Well With My Soul. I start hearing the words in the context of my day. And I understood Paul's words differently. That if you care for your soul, that when your mind, body and heart say, "Ugh!" your soul can be okay with the Ugh. 

That doesn't diminish the pain of betrayal and the heartache of your crying children as you try to understand why your husband is a mentally ill man whore. All of that is legit. But if you've cared for your soul, your soul can bear the pain. Even if you haven't cared for your soul well, you can care for it in the midst of the pain. But the pain still hurts.

That doesn't take away the stress of coming to grips with the consequences of years of your neglect of self-care. Neglect that stares you in the face with numbers in the form of blood pressure readings, pounds on a scale, lab results. You feel like an idiot. But your soul can handle more than your body. 

That doesn't mean you're a bad mom because sometimes, Elmo saves your damn life. He smiles and sings and entertains your toddler while you half-nap on the couch. Because your body is tired. But your soul can keep going even when your body is begging for another cup of coffee. 

And you can be grumpy and imperfect and demanding and obnoxious and tired and wrong and ugly and angry....but your soul can still be okay. It is one thing that helps you overcome what is happening to your mind, soul and heart and have days in which you are inspiring and beautiful and influential and right and loving. It echoes the transcendence of God in your every day life. That there is love and hope and everlasting life that can transcend the Ugh. The hard part is listening to your soul in the midst of the Ugh long enough to know that this is true. That "it is well."

So, feed your soul. With religion, with faith, with God, with spirituality, with love and with knowledge. Because you will need it when the Ugh comes. 

I feel as though this song couples Christ's redemptive work with God's transcendent nature. That is where my soul feeds. With the faith that God is who He says He is and that Christ has NOT just saved my sin. He is redeeming...buying back, renewing, refreshing...through His life, love and death. 

It Is Well with My Soul | Horatio G. Spafford

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,When sorrows like sea billows roll;Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,Let this blest assurance control,That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!My sin, not in part but the whole,Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:If Jordan above me shall roll,No pang shall be mine, for in death as in lifeThou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,The sky, not the grave, is our goal;Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,Even so, it is well with my soul.

What's Wrong with This Picture? Bill, Ken, Science and the Bible

If you weren't on Facebook tonight, then you missed two big things: Facebook's 10th Anniversary was celebrated by this cool app that made emotional videos out of everyone's Facebook history AND the debate about the Creation Debate. 

Here was my nutshell view of the Creation Debate:

I did not watch the Creation Debate. Mostly, because I was trying to solve world hunger. Just kidding, I was reading about Adult Developmental Life Cycles for class. Also, from the feedback I'm gathering, it turned out predictably. 

Do I think Ken and Bill's debate actually changed people's minds one way or the other? No. I am of the belief that confrontation and strife close off intellectual thought. Those who watched did so to get their preconceived beliefs confirmed by Ken or Bill respectively. For me personally, debate is just fun. I don't really do it to learn. I learn through reflection. But, it is likely that I can beat you in an unofficial debate. That is mostly because I can talk and think faster than most--that's the 1-2 punch when debating politics over coffee and baklava. It doesn't mean I'm more right than most. Just more obnoxious. Obviously in a regimented debate, I would have to prepare and have time guidelines. Oh and my ability to mock my opponent would be greatly diminished. So, in an actual debate, I could likely lose. 

Do I think Ken and Bill moved our culture toward a better place? No. They just drove the wedge between Christians and those of other belief systems further apart. Which does not help us in Kingdom building.

Do I think Ken and Bill could have better used their time? Yes. You have all of this capacity to think and reason and theorize. So, you build a museum dedicated to the defense of your beliefs? You realize that it is unlikely that a non-believer will visit the Creation Museum, right? You also realize that you could use the money put into that project and your big scientific brain to figure out how to improve agricultural practices worldwide so we can better feed the millions of people...excuse me, God's wonderful creations that He sent His son to die for...that die of starvation each year.

I'm sorry but at the end of my life, I don't want to say, "Welp, Jesus...look at that big old museum I built. Its purpose is to educate Christians on how to defend their faith." I have this feeling that Jesus would ask me how I helped people learn to live...not defend their faith. I also wouldn't want to think about the millions of people (created by God) I could've helped with all of the money I used to let everyone know the millions of dying people were God's creation.

What I would REALLY like to see is Round Two of this debate! I want to see Bill and Ken come together and start a joint effort...of any kind...to solve some global scientific problem. That's what I want to see. 

Do I think that such debates drive people...especially young people...from the Church instead of toward it? Yes. One of the reasons that young people are leaving the Evangelical Christian Church is because they can't take this divorcing of science and the Bible. They want to find harmony in the dichotomy but are encouraged to pick the RIGHT side of the argument. I also think people will spend hours dissecting Ken's arguments and views, mocking him and dismissing him as "one of those" right wing, conservative Christians. And I don't really like Ken Ham assuming that every Christian must believe in young earth creationism. Period. I don't want Rosie O'Donnell or Rosanne Barr to be the standard by which I as a woman am judged. And I don't want Ken Ham being the standard by which all Christians are held. Which is grossly unfair and illogical. Even Bill wouldn't agree with that. 

Do I think the real war being fought was a culture war? Yes. Many Christians care very deeply about winning the world for Jesus. But do we care about transforming the world through His love? You can win all the arguments you want. But if God's love and truth don't transform the way you live and interact with the world, then you might as well shut up. That's a harsh translation of 1 Corinthians 13, in case you are wondering. 

Do I think the Creation Debate could've been summed up concisely? Yes. Bill and Ken walk out on stage to much fanfare. Applause. Lights. A well-designed set. Bill begins the debate, "For the sake of efficiency, I will never agree with Ken because he uses the Bible as a basis for interpreting the world." Ken says, "Yes, and I'll never agree with Bill because he elevates science and reason above all else...that is how he interprets the world." They walk off stage to the sounds of jaws dropping all over the nation. 

Do I think many conservative Christians will go to bed feeling very self-satisfied? Yes. That they are "right" and the world is "wrong?" Yes. Knowing for sure that they have the only real answer and everyone else just needs to come to a saving knowledge of Christ to understand their arguments? Yes. Believing the scientific community was engaged in a real and relevant way this evening? Yes. Knowing for sure that they did their duty by hosting a "Creation Debate" party at their house for the youth group? Yes. 

I say, "yes" to all of this because I used to think that way. Tonight, I will go to bed feeling dissatisfied in the way the Christian faith is portrayed to the world. I will wonder what would happen if the great minds of science and the hearts of faith came together to change the world. I will wonder how I will engage my unbelieving family members and friends when they equate Christianity with ignorance. I will wonder about how I can live my faith tomorrow in a way that draws people in toward the faith AND toward reason. I will try not to let this whole thing make me more cynical that I already feel toward the Church and faith.  

In my search for fodder for reflection, I found two helpful things: 

This article 

Bill Nye vs. Ken Ham: Continuing Our Long American Tradition of Spectacle and Culture War

And a book recommendation from Rachel Held Evans "The Language of God" by Fancis Collins. 

"I’ve already mentioned Francis Collins’ book The Language of God, but I cannot adequately explain how dramatically this book changed my perspective. The Language of God is a beautifully written, intelligent, and compassionate book written by the man who was the head of the Human Genome Project. A devout Christian and one of the world’s most important scientists, Collins makes the case for how a scientist can believe in God and how people of faith can embrace science."--from http://rachelheldevans.com/blog/evolution

A couple of other quotes from Rachel's blog on Evolution:

"Many of us grow up to face a difficult, yet completely unnecessary choice between our faith and intellectual honesty." 

"Scientists are responsible for studying the physical world.  (They should be required to factor in the metaphysical; that’s not their job.) So when scientific conclusions seem to clash with our assumptions regarding theology, we’ve got to learn to deal with it in a way that doesn’t involve burying our heads in the sand or simply ignoring good data. We have to be willing to face the facts."

"However, I think it is incredibly important to get the word out that faith in God and belief in evolution can coexist, that a person does not have to choose between the two."