A Letter to the CECH (Conservative Evangelical Christian Husband)

Disclaimer: I do not claim to know everything about marriage. This is meant as an observation to encourage everyone to rethink their view on Biblical marriage. You know, the marriage that is preached about in the Church where the divorce rate is greater than the general population.

 Dear CECH,

I know you. You were my friend growing up. I knew you while you struggled through acne and your voice changing. We "rededicated" ourselves at Christian festivals, pledged purity at a campfire at Some Christian Camp and drank too much Mountain Dew at a lock in. I knew you during college days. We had heated debates about politics and theology. We played "Mafia" and stayed out too late doing what good Christian college kids do.

You were the person everyone said I should marry: the Conservative Evangelical Christian Husband. You have been my brother in the faith. You have even been the object of my secret affection (really, we were all dying to know who YOU had a crush on!)

But lately, you've been an object of concern for me. And I struggle with that. Because you are my brother. Because I know that you sincerely want to please God. I know that you are learning how to love your wife and family. I know that you are human. I also know that the standards and expectations placed on you are insurmountable. Some of them are Biblical. Some of them are people's expectations with proof text. Some of them are just insane.

Above all else I love you sincerely as your sister in Christ. But I also want to give you a sisterly noogie....with the love of Christ (of course. You believe me, right?)

You see, I am now friends with your wife. So, while I've known the zit-faced teenager at Acquire the Fire and the college student who comes to breakfast with bedhead, I get to know you in an entirely different light. As a husband. I obviously don't want to know all of the everything of your marriage (TMI, dude) I get to see some of the results of your relationships. And this is why I struggle.

There are things that your wife doesn't want to tell you. Mostly because she is a CECW (Conservative Evangelical Christian Wife) and you are a CECH. There are rules that go with these roles. But I have a feeling that if you had a fuller picture, you might rethink these roles and rules.

Sometimes, the weight of being a CECW makes your wife want to run away screaming. She probably seems fine. If you are a pastor, she probably does all of the pastoral wifey things. She loves her children and loves God. But that may not mean that she loves her life. Here is what makes this whole thing scary: she is horribly afraid to tell you how she feels and thinks about...a lot of things. But specifically, how she feels about her life. She could totally love her life but still struggle to be honest with you about what she doesn't love.

"Why not?" you ask? Well, its complicated. First, understand that she has been taught that as a CECW, she is to ONLY encourage you. Mostly importantly, she is not to do anything to discourage you. This is a rule of her role. Second, she may have tried to tell you before and it didn't go well. Since it didn't go well, she probably decided that God was trying to show her that she was acting in sin by being honest with you. Mostly, it seems like she thinks you can't handle it.

Although...you might not be able to handle the truth. It would make you so afraid and unsure of yourself. Sometimes, it is really hard as a CECH to admit that things can make you insecure and afraid. The same things that make it hard for your wife to be honest with you make it hard for you to be honest with her. All of these sermons and Bible verses about your role and its rules fly around in your head. Sometimes, the familiarity and the "black and white" of rules and roles can be calming. They can also be restricting. And restrictions can be dangerous.

You know all of those pastor's wives or deacon's wives that went off the deep end? You know, they had an affair. Or they started selling drugs to kids in the youth group. Or they started drinking and were discovered running around naked in their front yard. I have a theory about these women. I think they got sick of the roles and rules and said, "To hell with it all and to hell with you!" Because the roles and rules kept them from being honest. And the rules and roles kept others from being honest with them. They just couldn't take the fear, shame and/or pain that has festered in the dishonesty  (I have a similar theory that all sin stems from fear, shame and/or pain. More about that another time.)

So, dude. I don't want to be the one trying to get your wife to put her clothes back on. I don't want to have your wife call and tell me she's having an affair (but not to tell you, of course.) If your wife is unhappy, you might want to know while you can still do something about it.

The other reason I'd like to give you a noogie is that you expect obedience from your wife. Don't get your man panties in a wad. I know what Paul said about wives and obedience. But also remember that Paul grew up in a culture of chauvinism in which women were thought to be dumber, weaker and worth less than a man. Now surely, keeping that text in the context of all Scripture AND looking at the day-to-day life with your wife and knowing what you know about women in 2014...you know that you would be foolish to expect your wife to obey you like a child would a parent.

And yet, you do. You disrespect your wife by making mandates and boundaries and expectations for her behavior as if she is a child. That is NOT the model of Christ loving the Church. Love your wife like you love yourself. Love, honor and respect your wife by thinking of her on equal terms. If you would like her to be honest about her thoughts and feelings...to treat you like an adult by being honest about what is going on with her...then treat her like an adult. Start there. When she sees there is a problem in her life, let her work it out and ask for your help when she is ready. When she is unhappy with her life, listen to her. Ask yourself if your ministry, your job, your whatever is worth losing your marriage.

Because marriages aren't lost in a day. They are lost slowly over time. Many small things slipping away until there isn't anything left to hold on to.

Here is a story about this. I used to smoke. On and off since high school depending on how easy it was to hide and the time I could commit to it. I successfully (or so I thought) hid it from many people. When Matt and I started dating, he figured it out really quick. He did not tell me that I needed to stop. He did not beat me over the head with Bible verses. He did not forbid me to do so. He did not lecture whatsoever. (We had maybe three conversations about it. Total.) He said, "Well, that will kill you. And I don't want to watch someone I love killing herself. You'll stop when you're ready." (Sidenote: WHAT AN AGGRAVATING MAN. In a good way...) He did not respond in a role or with rules. He responded in love. And it worked.

I beginning to wonder what God really thinks about all of our roles and the rules that accompany them. I have a feeling that there are lots of people who are trying to please God and floundering in rules and roles He never intended. I still struggle as a recovering CECW. I will apologize to my husband saying, "That wasn't right of me." To which he responds, "It's not about right and wrong. It's about love."(Again...AGGRAVATING.)

Maybe it's time to step out of the MAN MADE roles and rules and really look at life, love and godliness in the context of our day-to-day life. Maybe it's time to torch the Christian self-help books about marriage roles and ask God to lead us today. Maybe it's time we honor God by using the brains He gave us and using common sense in our relationships.

What I am saying to you...my brother...is that God will be most pleased when you treat your wife like she is a grown up. And when you see her struggle in her unhappiness, let her open up to you and let her know that you hear her. Don't go into the depths of despair and cry and rip your clothes and sit in sackcloth and ashes. Don't get angry with her because YOU can't handle the truth. Hear her truth, sympathize and then ask how you can help. Take it like a grown up.

Or I just might give you a wedgie.

Love from Your Sister,

Jaimie

PS This letter might not be to you in its entirety. Part of it may be. You may not be ready to hear any of it. And that's ok. I'll be cool with telling you "I told you so!" later. Because I am your sister. That is what I do.

PPS Even if your wife is rocking out the pastor wife scene and loves her life, she still needs you to listen to her struggles. So do that.

Playing the Hand You Are Dealt: Playing the "Race Card."

Sarah Palin baffles me. She is the poster child for what a solid marketing and business plan can do for anyone. I'm not sure if its her charming accent. Or maybe its how the media salivates, waiting for the next nugget of golden mockery to fall from her Alaskan lips. But when she speaks, people listen. I just wish she would say something we haven't heard before (rhetoric) and use her voice for the positive and not for divisiveness. It could make such a stronger impact toward positive change in the conservative realm of politico. 

She made headlines today, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, with rude (and in my view, ignorant) comments accusing President Obama of "playing the race card." What made her comments rude and ignorant is the she coupled them with an MLK quote. (*facepalm* #fail) Here is where her comments diverged from honorable to "catty as a teenage girl whose boyfriend you just made out with":

"Mr. President, in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. and all who commit to ending any racial divide, no more playing the race card."--Sarah Palin

One can most certainly conjecture that what Palin is referring to are some comments President Obama made in an interview with the New Yorker (published this weekend.) Palin did not refer to any specific incidences in which President Obama "played the race card." However, in reading the article, I hear a black man talking about race. 

This made me ponder race and grace. Why is it that when I talk about race as a WASP (white, anglo-saxon, protestant), that I'm just talking about race but if a black person talks about race, they are "playing the race card?" Where is the grace of God that allows unity within diversity? If I can talk about being a woman, why can't President Obama speak about being black? Is the same grace not extended to him? I also wonder if Palin also thinks that Martin Luther King Jr. played the race card too much. 

I have heard and seen people use their race as an excuse to be lazy. According to the Jaimie Dictionary of English,  being lazy is defined as: "to avoid what is hard." This avoidance can look like categorically avoiding/denying a task, working hard/being the best at only what you are comfortable with (like workaholics.) Or it can look like doing nothing. Dealing with racism is uncomfortable and hard for white people. But that doesn't give us an excuse to be lazy. 

One of the most heart-saddening things I witness are white people who refuse to take the time to understand that white privilege actually exists, to engage the issue of racism with intelligence and grace or set aside their own discomfort/guilt/shame/sadness/pride to work collectively to change the conversation around race in our country. I find it shameful. 

So, shame on you, Sarah Palin. Not for being a republican. Not for being conservative. Not for being opinionated. Not for all of your personal and political views. 

Shame on you for the disrespect you have shown your Commander and Chief. 
Shame on you for implying that race isn't worth talking about.
Shame on you for disrespecting the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. with your ill-timed criticism.
Shame on you for being a poor example of grace and intelligence to America's children. 
Shame on you for using your privilege and influence for bad and not for good. 

This shame does not come from me. Your behavior shames you all on its own. 

(Some of) What God Thinks About Poverty and (Some of) What I Know

My previous two posts about poverty were mostly from the point of common sense (Part One and Two.) We will now wander into the murky waters of faith. 

My disclaimer is that I do not claim to be an expert in all things Biblical. What I do claim to know is that the Bible can give us a pretty good picture of how God feels about a variety of subjects. I also know what I have learned about the character of God and the conviction of the Holy Spirit in this area. If you want an expository sermon on the subject of poverty, look elsewhere. 

In the interest of brevity, let's see some Scripture:

1 John 3:17-18 (NIV) If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 

James 2:15-17 (NIV) Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 

Ezekiel 16:49 (NIV) Now this was the sin of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the poor and needy. 

Proverbs 14:31 (NIV) He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

In all of the verses in Scripture that address poverty, as well as the verses that speak about love, I do not see conditions. Its as if God wishes us to love people unconditionally. Kind of like He loves us. No matter if we don't know how to manage their finances or live in a financially depressed area or have been on Government assistance their entire lives or lose everything to circumstances outside of our control or, or, or, or. 

Now, before you get all high and mighty and say something like, "Yes, but by just giving hand outs, we aren't really addressing what causes poverty in the first place. We aren't really loving well if we just give and give and don't help others learn and grow out of poverty." Okay, maybe you can be high and mighty because you are so right! However, I'm not so sure that precludes those who have excess from giving to those in need of things that help them...well not die.

What I propose is a multifaceted approach to poverty. One that includes unconditional love and loving well as well as addressing the root causes of cyclical poverty while meeting the immediate needs of those in poverty. Honestly, I don't know what this looks like. I don't have all the answers.

But this is what I know:

• Christians MUST drop our divisive and often hateful speech about poverty. It nullifies the Gospel we preach and live. 
• We MUST ask God to convict our hearts and increase our desire to help the impoverished. 
• We MUST to stop waging a culture war to promote the cause of Christianity and wage the war within ourselves that prevents the Kingdom of God from advancing. This prevention looks like rhetoric, political fervency, ignorance, hatred and a lack of empathy and understanding. 
• We MUST find a way to set aside all of the things that stick in our craws as conservative Christians and work COLLECTIVELY WITH PEOPLE WE DISAGREE WITH to impact our communities. 
• We MUST focus more on wholeness (whole families, whole minds, whole communities, whole people) and less on how to get people to sin less. 
• We CANNOT really believe what we do about God's love and mercy and continue to stand in the way of those (including the US Government) who help the poor (even ineffectively.) Because if the Church was able to help the poor and end poverty (like in the ideal Kingdom of God we're supposed to be working toward) it would. In 2000 years, it still hasn't been able to. Yes, poverty is part of living in a fallen world. But part of preaching the Gospel is living the Gospel. And Jesus came to redeem and make new. We can be a part of the redemption of poverty. 
• We CANNOT be responsible citizens who vote on election day and then do nothing to impact the policies and systems that support the cycle of poverty. 
• We CANNOT impact poverty without impacting the culture of poverty. You know, kind of like Jesus impacted the Hellenistic and Jewish cultures in his day while speaking truth into the lives of the people he personally impacted. 
• We MUST change how we address and interact with poverty or we will continue to lose young people. Young people in the Church DO NOT CARE ABOUT FANCY SERVICES OR PROGRAMS OR HAVING COFFEE DURING CHURCH. They want to make a difference in their community and if the Church isn't where they can do that, they will go elsewhere. Rachel Held Evans wrote an amazing article entitled, "15 Reasons I Left the Church." Number #13: " I left the church because I had learned more from Oprah about addressing poverty and injustice than I had learned from 25 years of Sunday school."
• We MUST take the risk of stepping out of the rhetoric and stagnant thinking and politically charged thinking and EVERYTHING WE HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN to think about things differently. Because people are dying and going broke and children aren't getting nutrition they need for healthy brain development  and people are homeless and the biggest obstacle to me addressing these issues and being a part of the solution is to STOP BEING PART OF THE PROBLEM.

You can write me off. You can say I'm a Democrat. You can say I'm liberal. You can say something about my hermeneutics or something ridiculously pedantic. It won't matter. 

Because this week, I'm going to do what I can to help kids in foster care not to fall into poverty. I'm going to go help a little old lady who lives in the "ghetto" by shoveling her driveway EVEN THOUGH I HATE IT. And because she loves my son genuinely and deeply. That means so much more to me than harsh criticism. On Judgement Day, I won't be worrying about you. I'll be satisfied knowing that I tried my best to be part of the solution and not the problem. 

What about you? How can you be a part of the solution this week?

Poverty is Not Always What it Seems--Part Two

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. In anything. Well, except in making baklava. Other than that, I do not claim to be expert on anything. However, I can give you a quick "snap shot" of how I feel on certain subjects. If you want the full explanation of everything I believe about a subject, take me out for coffee. I'll even let you pay.

Warning: You are allowed to disagree with me. However, I respect myself too much to allow you to be a jerk face to me or other people. So, jerk faced comments will be deleted.

I would like to suggest an article that gives an overview of poverty in America over the last 50 years. I especially like this bit about how the Great Recession changed what "poor" looks like:

In the space of only a few months, millions of people entered the ranks of the officially poor—not only laid-off blue-collar workers, but also downsized tech workers, managers, lawyers, and other once-comfortable professionals. No one could accuse these “nouveau poor” Americans of having made bad choices or bad lifestyle decisions. They were educated, hardworking, and ambitious, and now they were also poor—applying for food stamps, showing up in shelters, lining up for entry-level jobs in retail.

To me, poverty means people. Like some of these people:

•  A single mom was laid off from her job (white collar, not blue collar position) and used food stamps until she could get back on her feet. Did I mention she was raised upper middle class, is active in her faith community, does foster care and has adopted children? You'd never look at her and think, "poor." You'd think "compassionate professional."
• A man works his butt off to support his wife and four children. His career path took a major turn in a different direction when he got married. He works at a major home improvement store chain where he is allowed to work just 40 hours a week for a decent wage that still never seems to be enough to get ahead. He is fortunate enough to have medical insurance and prescription drug coverage. However, his family can’t afford the vision and dental plans offered by his employer. Did I mention he went to a major Christian university for pastoral studies and missions? You'd never look at him and think, "poor." You'd think "hard-working provider."
• Another couple has been struggling to get out of debt for years. She and her husband (both raised upper middle class and came from "good Christian homes") have faced eviction, repossession of their car and ultimately, bankruptcy. They used Government funded nutritional programs while he was working toward his career. Did I mention the source of their debt? The life saving surgeries their baby had to have because of a brain deformity. You'd never look at them and think, "poor." You'd think "parents of a special needs child."
• Another woman grew up in poverty. She has struggled for years to make ends meet while learning how abusive, good-for-nothing men can love you and leave you...with two young children. She works at a fast food restaurant and is going to college. She used her food stamps this summer to purchase plants. These plants grew all summer and fall and supplied her family with vegetables that they worked to grow themselves. You might look at her work uniform and think, "poor." I look at her and I think, "Hard-working mom with crazy children."
• Another woman was raised middle class without a college fund. Student loans and a full time, minimum wage job helped her through two years of community college and then three years at a major university. But that money mostly put gas in her car and a roof over her head. She wasn't one to party or buy expensive electronics. She also didn't spend much on clothing. She used food stamps while in college. Some of her family members shamed her because they raised a family without the help of the government. You'd never look at her apperance and listen to her vocabulary and think "poor." You'd think "diligent student with potential."

One more story....

Yet another woman was in full time ministry and going to college just before the Great Recession. Thanks to her job and her choices regarding living accommodations, she was able to pay for college out-of-pocket. When the Great Recession hit America, those affected weren't giving charitably to ministries. She lost her job. She had commitments such as a car payment and paying for college out-of-pocket based on her salary. That salary was gone. She moved back in with her parents to make ends meet. She probably qualified for food stamps but didn't apply.

She lost the motivation to finish her ministry-related degree (just a few credit short) since she wasn't able to work in ministry. She met an amazing man. They paid for most of their own wedding. But this caused her to miss car payments and her car was repossessed. She and her husband moved out of state for a job opportunity her husband discovered. They used their wedding gift money to pay for their bills for the first two months they were married until they started work. Her husband worked part time for an electrician until he found a job. They were able to live rent free for six months in a back room in the electricians warehouse/shop. It was one bedroom, one living area with kitchen and a bathroom. Nothing worked and it was cold and miserable and filthy. They had no TV or internet for several months. 

They eventually were able to move into an apartment and get internet. She got pregnant and did not have insurance. She received WIC benefits and was on Medicaid. They moved back to her home state and moved in with her parents just before the baby was born. The baby was on Medicaid until her husband was able to get a job with benefits. He worked 3rd shift for minimum wage as a "temporary employee" for over a year before he was able to bid on a position.

You wouldn't look at this woman and think "poor." You'd think..."That's Jaimie." 

Poverty is Not Always What it Seems--Part One

Disclaimer: I am not an expert. In anything. Well, except in making baklava. Other than that, I do not claim to be expert on anything. However, I can give you a quick "snap shot" of how I feel on certain subjects. If you want the full explanation of everything I believe about a subject, take me out for coffee. I'll even let you pay.

Warning: You are allowed to disagree with me. However, I respect myself too much to allow you to be a jerk face to me or other people. So, jerk faced comments will be deleted. 

When I say the word "poor" I'm sure an image is conjured in your brain. What is she wearing? How does he act? What is her ethnicity? How do you feel about him? How old is this person?


Do you notice that you are thinking about a person? 

The poor among us (because they are among us and not apart from us) are people. They are living, breathing people who as George Bailey from It's a Wonderful Life put it, "... do most of the working and paying and living and dying in this community." 

One of the things I like best about the story of George Bailey is that he understood what it meant to be poor, used his influence and privilege to change the culture of poverty in his town and met people where they are at. In the end, he learned that poverty has many faces...but there is always hope where there is love. 

Mr. Potter was in the top 1% in Beford Falls. If Mr. Potter lived between 1980 and 2005, he would likely be in the top 1% of the United States. He would've been the recipient (along with others in the top 1%) of 80% of all new income generated during this time. See more.

As Bill Maher put it (not very tactfully so I'll improve it), the aforementioned statistic is like...

100 people go to a party. 
100 slices of pizza are ordered. 
The first guy to the pizza buffet takes 80 pieces. 
99 people then have to figure out how to share 20 pieces of pizza. 

Now, before you read the above scenario and say, "Now, Jaimie, wait a minute. Life is not a party and people don't just 'take' income like pizza. They work for it! Poor people are just lazy and irresponsible!" 

I'm wondering if you should think more about the poor people you know. Think about putting on their shoes and walking in them for a moment. And read this AMAZING article. It is the best explanation I've ever read of how poverty isn't just determined by the money you have or do not have. There is a culture that accompanies poverty. An excerpt: 

Nobody gives enough thought to depression. You have to understand that we know that we will never not feel tired. We will never feel hopeful. We will never get a vacation. Ever. We know that the very act of being poor guarantees that we will never not be poor. It doesn't give us much reason to improve ourselves. We don't apply for jobs because we know we can't afford to look nice enough to hold them. I would make a super legal secretary, but I've been turned down more than once because I "don't fit the image of the firm," which is a nice way of saying "gtfo, pov."

If you've just read the article and still feel that all poor people are lazy and irresponsible, please raise your hand. Now slap yourself with that hand. 

"But Jaimie! The poor people I know...or occasionally observe...really are lazy and irresponsible!" you say. I would say that I know some really racist white people but I would not say that all white people are racist and should be treated as such. I know some truly whoreish  women but that does not mean that you can treat all women as whores (especially not me, cause that would not be good for your health.) 

I once heard an amazing sermon by someone I can't remember. However, God's truth through this man changed how I thought of lazy people. He surmised that lazy people aren't just those who do not work. Lazy people are those who do not do the hard things. Therefore, "workaholics" are often some of the laziest people you'll meet. They work to escape whatever it is they don't want to deal with (such as their marriage or their loneliness.) This leads me to think that there are lazy people who are rich and there are lazy people who are poor. That does not mean that all rich people are lazy. That does not mean all poor people are lazy. 

Here is another perspective worth examining from Rachel Held Evans: "What Dave Ramsey gets wrong about poverty."

This is not all of what I think about poverty, how I understand God's truth about the poor and needy, who poverty affects and how to fix it. More to come!

Freezer to Crock-pot Meals: Be Still My Beating Heart

Since having my son, I have been on a quest to make my life more simple. Mostly because I owe it to my son not to be flipping crazy because I'm trying to do 52 different things at once. One of the new ways I've discovered to do this is Freezer to Crock-Pot Meals. 

I love cooking in the Crock-Pot. So much. I just discovered the amazing innovation of crock-pot liners from Reynold's Wrap (I'm behind, I know.) These liners make it so that post-dinner dishes do not involve scrubbing crusted sauce concrete. I wrote Santa and asked for a year's supply of this for next Christmas. Also, I told the Hubs that an AWFULLY romantic Valentine's Day gift would be a programmable, 7 quart crock-pot. 

The Crock-Pot in all her glory

I stumbled across a post on Mommy's Fabulous Finds about 10 Easy Crock-Pot Freezer meals. I was intrigued. I thought, "Ten is a manageable number. I could do that." The recipes were for things the ever picky Hubs would eat (mostly.) The ingredients weren't weird or crazy such as "One cup of chopped moose testicle."

So, I tried it. I loved it. I started to find more places for such recipes.

New Leaf Wellness had a post entitled "Twenty-five freezer meals that don’t require any cooking ahead of time" (I have not tried any of these. But plan to in the future.)

My mom posted a link to sidetrackedsarah.com and I felt as though the heavens parted and angels say hallelujah. 

42 freezer to crock-pot meals (7 weeks, 6 recipes each.) WITH SHOPPING LISTS. You can also sign up to receive more recipes via e-mail. AND she gives instructions for how to cook things in bulk and put them into freezer bags. 

I'm sure there is an amazing recipe book out there with freezer to crock-pot meals. But reality is, I'm cheap. I'm not going to buy a book containing information I can find online for free. Hello?

UPDATE

Had an epiphany this evening. I made the Apple BBQ Pork Tenderloin from Mommy's Fabulous Finds in my basic, 5 quart crock pot...OF COURSE I used the crock pot liner from Reynold's Wrap. 

I just cooked BBQ in this crock pot. It took less than a minute to clean it out. 

I had plenty of leftovers for tomorrow. I'm a work from home mom so I didn't really need to package the leftovers in plastic containers to microwave in the employee break lounge. Then I thought, "Why don't I just transfer all of this into my 1 quart crock pot and store it in there! I'll just turn it on low in the morning and it'll be ready for lunch."

So, that's what I did. 

BBQ pork is in my fridge ready for tomorrow. 

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth; 

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day! 

Yet knowing how way leads on to way

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference. 

Robert Frost